I’ve been doing a little weekly VLOG series on my YouTube Channel. Just trying to get out there a bit more and share some of my thoughts and feelings on certain things and items I like and answering questions people may have recently asked me etc…
Today was very difficult to post. In about a 6 minute video you get a glimpse into the chaos of my life. Into what it’s like to have a child with Autism. A child on the non-verbal end of the spectrum, where we may never be able to have full conversations with him. I know there are success stories out there but I can’t compare those experiences to ours. Every child is so different. Autism is a puzzle and you’re not always sure if all the pieces are even there. Or you start solving the puzzle and something comes along and decides to toss it off and jumble the pieces back up or turn it from 100 piece puzzle to 1,000 piece puzzle.
I have lived some parent’s worst nightmares. I have lived through my child escaping out of the house via a window and being on the porch roof. I have lived through my child running away from home. I have lived through my child running away from school. I have lived through my child having meltdowns in public, and I have learned to ignore the nasty looks at these times. One of my worst nightmares is that since my son can’t really speak, that something will happen to him, where someone will harm him and he won’t be able to tell me about it. This has happened, more than once, and it happened again today in a way that has left me fairly speechless and my mind is completely boggled. I work so hard day in and day out to keep his world as safe as I possibly can. I work so hard to make sure he receives all the therapies and services that he needs. We research providers, and have left providers that we didn’t think were a good fit for our family. Y’all, IT SUCKS! That is all – it just simply SUCKS!
I’m not sure how many times I said “it sucks” in my VLOG today but it seemed like it was all that I could say. I just need you all to know that. Just please allow us to say “it sucks” and acknowledge that yep, some days it really does suck. Do not apologize to me about it because you have nothing to truly be sorry for. It’s not your fault that he has Autism, it’s no ones fault, it’s just the card we’ve been dealt for whatever reason. Saying “I’m sorry.” to me about it puts me in an awkward spot honestly. If you’ve said it to me before don’t worry too much about it, I don’t have any instance in mind but from here out just take a moment of pause and instead of saying you’re sorry for what happened just acknowledge with me that “it sucks.”
It’s March 15th – “beware the Ides of March.” *sigh* yep… what I mean is that as a parent, and especially if you’re a parent of a special needs child, we must always beware. Don’t let the fears control your life but use that “spidey-sense”, that tingling you get, that sensation that something just isn’t right, that this just isn’t working…acknowledge it and trust your instincts. Just because something may have worked before doesn’t mean it’ll always work. Once that “mommy instinct” goes off, trust it. It may suck to adjust through but usually that instinct is there for a reason. Mama Bears everywhere, good luck. Be brave when you “beware the Ides of March” in your life.