I know it sounds a bit weird but today I am thankful for all of the times I’ve failed in my life. At the time it may have flat out sucked but it’s always helped me move on.
I will flat out admit that I am a failure! Yet it’s not all that I am. I have only once failed a class – calculus based physics in College. Big fat “F” – the only test I passed was when I fell asleep on my book (learning through osmosis must work). That failure wasn’t anyone’s fault but my own. I admit I didn’t do the work heck I barely showed up for class! My GPA TANKED that semester! Yet luckily I had an amazing support system and an athletic department staff that truly cared for my well being. With their help I took a second look at my life and my major and decided that biochem was not for me (I was a chemistry major initially but they got rid of it because there were only 4 of us in that major – that’s the downside to going to a small school). I ended up graduating on time, making the Deans list, and hold a BA in Communications with a minor in Religious Studies. I may not “work” in the traditional sense but I can flat out tell you that I use my degree every day!
My field hockey coach at Regis would often quote Ghandi and tell us: “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” It’s something I strive to live by. I’m the one who has failed therefor I’m the one who needs to change! I can’t change anyone else I’m not in charge of everything but I can change myself. If I’m feeling down (especially in those times of failures) I’m the one who needs to change and move on for the better. Being a biochem major just wasn’t for me. Failing sucked but man being a communication major and actually enjoying what I was doing was amazing!
I have many more examples of my failures and how I’ve grown from them but really I want I tell you about the current portion of my life and my approaching 30 identity crisis. Like I said, I use my degree all the time but I still don’t “work” in the traditional sense as I am a “stay at home mom.”. This area of my life is one I really struggle with. I struggle to not get down about it but with all the “mommy wars” out there it’s tough to not get caught up in one of those battles. Lately I feel like I have a big “F” staring at me because I don’t “work” and well Sallie Mae still has to get paid. I used to work – ask my husband I was working four jobs when we first met! I was a “workaholic” and I was going to grad school on top of that. I didn’t fail out of Vanderbilt and the situation is very confusing to explain, to make it easier to understand well, it simply wasn’t for me. Clearly I enjoyed my work (even though I had four jobs) over school so I went to work and narrowed down to one full time job. Fast forward to today and three kids later well it’s been over three years since I last officially “worked” I used to have a stellar resume but now I’m not totally sure how to put what I do into a format where someone would want to hire me. Not going to lie though, I don’t want to work in the traditional sense like I used to. Honestly I don’t think I could even handle that level of stress again. There are other factors in our family life that would make having a traditional job harder. [enter disclaimer – this is about me and so if you’re reading into it as a mommy war sort of thing then you’re sadly mistaken! I am a firm believer that everyone, especially families, have to do what works best for their family and what I do may or may not be the thing for you].
So what’s a girl to do?! Well this week I decided to stop letting that “F” in this part of my life linger over me! The “Rambling Mom shop” is open (or at least opening – hey I’m just getting started here). I enjoy making things like headbands (actually I admit I have a slight obsession with them) and tutus (wish I could wear them more often). I have goals to do an ironman triathlon but those goals cost money! I attempted the “hey will you sponsor me?” route but quickly was told “you’re not what we are looking for.” Aka “you’re not good enough.” I’m thankful for some of the coupons and swag I got from inquiring but that’s not going to get me the new tri bike that I need. I was feeling down but then I saw a T-shirt by Georgia Game Changers that spoke volumes to me!
So watch out world Liz DeLise is “back at work” and I have no idea where this will bring me but hey that’s part of the fun in this crazy journey of life!
[I’m still working on getting an official shop set up so for now if you haven’t “liked” my Facebook page yet please go do so and check out what I have to offer – THANKS!]