The Waiting Game

Lately I feel like all I do is wait…
• Wait for doctors appointments (some doctors are worse than others and I’m about done with specialists in this area that full well know they’re the only option in town – also people at the regular doc office show up for your appointment on time – by golly just show up – it shouldn’t be such an issue but it’s a huge issue around here)

• Wait for test results (especially with Tedy – I want more answers, I want to know when he will finally be potty trained, when he will really “talk” – ANYTHING – I just want to help him more and some days I really feel at a loss)

• Wait for Tedy to be done with therapy (luckily I was able to join the Y nearby so I can go and get a little bit of a workout in vs sitting there bored out of my mind for 2-3 hours twice a week)

• Wait for Troy to pop up on Facebook messenger or to email me back or call or Skype – anything just to talk to him for even a few minutes

• Wait for Sophia to be done with school (even though we are on summer break right now I’m starting to think about it again because we have just a little over a month until she goes back and I have no clue what to do, this will be a new stage of motherhood for me and I’m not looking forward to it, I’m anxiously nervous about how she will do in school not just academically but socially as well because there are a lot of meanies in our area and I noticed too many negative things about preK and pray that she doesn’t get “lost in the crowd” because other kids can’t behave and pray that she is safe)

• Wait for someone to call or text or visit (I will admit I feel very alone lately. I miss certain friends and love texting with them. I’m thankful that I’ve been able to rebuild a friendship that was cracked a bit last year. I also wish that some people that are supposed to be “family” would truly act that way but then again why would I expect things to change now – they don’t know that I’m hurting inside by their actions or more like non-actions. I want my Mom! I want my Dad! I miss living close to my sister!)

• Wait for something to arrive at a specific time frame – yet of course with my luck I end up wasting half of my day with this sort of waiting and it bugs the crap out of me! Finally 30 minutes outside the delivery window of time the new washing machine shows up! I feel like that happens to me all the time! Or I’ll just have missed the UPS man and have to wait another day to receive something I’ve been waiting on (no joke one day I saw the UPS truck down my street a bit and RAN as fast as I could because by golly I was getting that package and not waiting another day)

Seriously I sometimes feel like maybe I’m stuck in purgatory right now and am just waiting for something else. Waiting for the next bit of life – am I waiting my life away? I know I could be doing better things with my time during all of this waiting but it’s so hard – it’s easy to get caught up in mindless tasks while you’re waiting. Yet I need to refocus and stop just sitting and waiting but purposely use the time that I do have. Working out during waiting times has helped a ton and reading more has as well. I just need to be more conscious of it and do it more. I also need to stop just waiting and enjoy my kids more. Instead of mindlessly driving down the road (144 is BORING) and then onto the next task of waiting for the day I need to live those moments and not let them slip away. People visit and I need to enjoy the time I have with them (generally speaking I do – it’s that with some people I miss them more easily than others) to those others if they don’t want to visit or talk then fine, I’m done waiting on them and I’m done waiting for the next move. I have moves in my life that are waiting on me, like my real family (ie the true family and friends that care) so I need to get going and not make them wait anymore. With all of that typical Liz DeLise rambling being said, IF you tell someone “hey I’ll be there at…” Or “hey if you need me I’m here…” MEAN IT! I’ve noticed that my true “family” has no problem stepping up and calling or texting, visiting, etc when I need it. I’ve noticed that with true friends and family stupid games aren’t played but the ball gently volleys in the court or life. So there I’m done, the ball is on your side, if you want to play nice, I’m here but I’m not waiting anymore. Dear elements of life, I’m not going to wait/waste my day away anymore, I’m starting a new (we all need a good reboot now and then) and living and enjoying this life a bit more than I did before (I’ll admit I too often take things for granted). I’ll admit it’s easy to get caught up in the negative (hence why I’m even blogging about all the stupid waiting I’ve been doing) and it’s easy to get into funks (I’ve been in an awkward funk most all of June) but hey now that I’m fully aware, I’m kicking the funk in the face, “running it over” and taking new steps to happier places where “waiting” isn’t so bad.

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