Being a Mom…

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For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a mom. I played with my dolls and took them everywhere as a kid. I played house, then as a teen I started having dreams of getting married and as a young adult I imagined a family of my own and had sort of joked that I wanted 3 kids because 3 is my favorite number. There were times in my life when I thought I was absolutely foolish for thinking those things. I mean come on I am woman hear me roar, I went to an all women’s college, I thought I was a fairly feminist liberal (by golly was I wrong there but that’s another story). Then I went to Nashville for grad school (I’m a strong independent woman remember) and even when I first met Troy I still don’t know what I was thinking then I mean he had told me “Don’t expect this to last longer than 3 months, I don’t want to get married, I don’t want to have kids, I’m going to be a scholarly bachelor…” Yet for some reason I was drawn to him and looking back I know it was God calling us to be together.
So here I am a mother of three and let me tell you, it wasn’t what I dreamed it would be at all. Yet at the same time I wouldn’t change it for the world! Sophia often asks why people get married and why people have kids. I’ve told her the typical “when two people love each other very much…” Stories yet when we get to the part about her if I change it in any way she gets upset and tells me “that’s not how it goes!” So here’s how it goes…”God saw Liz & Troy and decided that they need to become Mommy & Daddy so I will send them a beautiful baby girl for them to name Sophia Rose.” Biblical I know, what do you expect from a theology minor that went to grad school for theological studies. She loves this story and loves knowing that God put her in our lives for a special purpose. She goes on about how God helped put Tedy and Ceci in our lives as well. My Nana was right, she really is an old soul.
Yet it’s not all sunshine and roses! Many days are tough, I’m not a perfect mother and I struggle! Motherhood has been the most surreal thing in my life! Some nights when I’m restless I look at my 3 beautiful children sleeping peacefully (when they smile in their sleep I know they’re talking to the angels, as nana would say) and wonder wow are these really mine? Who am I to deserve such amazing gifts? What’s happened to me? I’ve always wanted 3 kids, now I have them, is this for real or am I dreaming as well? It’s for real! It’s tough! Like I said it’s not all sunshine and roses; my kids don’t fit into textbooks or boxes. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore my children but sometimes I find myself frustrated and wondering where I went wrong, especially with Tedy. I don’t know where I’m going with this, just my typical rambling a I guess but I just wanted to let you know that it’s ok. When you have those moments of frustration as a parent, it’s ok. When you stare in awe and wonder how in the world did we get here, am I really worthy of this? Yes you are! Just try to always remember the positive, try to look on the bright side of it all. It is all worth it. God did play a role in having these amazing children! I know mine have opened my eyes in ways I never dreamed possible!
Lately I find myself wanting to re-watch Forrest Gump because of Tedy. Lately I find myself stopping and biting my tongue more because deep down some of what I get upset about isn’t really worth it. My kids have helped me be a stronger person, they’ve helped me be a healthier person. Plus when I’m missing their dad I love that I can look at them and see him.
So if you have kids or are contemplating having kids just remember that NOTHING can fully prepare you to be a mom or a dad and that’s OK! My biggest piece of advice to “new parents” (you’re a newbie with each child you have because they’re all so different) is to not be afraid to ask for help (in any way shape or form), go with your instincts, advocate for your children, do what works bet for you and your family, love with all your might (your heart isn’t pieces it wholeheartedly grows with each child) and pray (both in the rough times to find the light and in thanksgiving for all the milestones big and small).

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